Wednesday, May 16, 2018

"Thank you, I already have boobs!"


"Thank you, I already have boobs!" - that's how I recently finished a phone call where I was offered the chance to augment my breasts for the second time in a fairly short time. The first offer made me laugh like crazy, but the second one left me at a loss.  First I was thinking whether I should write about this at all. Secondly, I was wondering how people reach the decision to offer me breast implants.

The first person who called me to 'solicit breasts' was a good acquaintance of mine. It was probably a spur of the emotion thing. But the second call made me shrug. I asked why they had picked me. I got the answer that bigger breasts would suit me. Real fast they added that it's an expensive surgery in reality and I would get it for free. Third, I was told my readers surely have money to buy themselves breasts. I joked that I won't sacrifice myself and enlarge my bosom... After that, it was stressed to me for the second time that I would get a really expensive surgery for free. Finally, I explained that nothing is free in this world.  

To be honest, a few thoughts stuck with me. Oh, so bigger breasts would suit me? What do you mean? Did those mystical breast salesmen scroll my Instagram feed before making the call and found they could add something more on top?  The second claim - I would get REALLY expensive breasts for free. Really? Free? It's still surgery and although I don't know how long it takes to recover from breast augmentation surgery, but as far as I'm concerned, every minute on this planet counts. Surgery is surgery. A lot of women can talk about the harsh complications they have had after getting breast implants and that have taken them to a new surgery. Breast enlargement is not like trying on foundation or lipstick. . 

I think we live in wonderful times. If we need bigger lips, breasts, or bum to boost our confidence, we can make all those dreams come true. I remember how a colleague of mine saved money and was extremely happy when she got a pretty bosom. It's exceptionally nice that women can get a bolder bust if they wish and that could give them confidence and everything else they need. We have one life, so why not tune yourself to be brilliant? But there is one but...

Dear salesmen! Before you rush out to the very private space of a blogger with your offer, make sure you determine whether the person needs your services. Let us assume the offer would have gone to a very young woman who could have other confidence issues about her appearance as well. This would only make her insecurity worse if she was told straight up that she should get bigger breasts. What's the most bizarre for me is perhaps the fact that I am a C cup and I'm offered bigger boobs in 2018! Do they want to make me into Dolly Parton? It's like offering a 185-cm tall woman platform shoes for her to look taller! I remember a news story that was published a while ago about Victoria Beckham who had her breast implants reduced in size. If you google it, you can find plenty of more women.

Yes... We live in interesting times... When you answer an unknown number on your phone, you can never know whether you'll be offered a newspaper subscription, non-stick pan or.... bigger breasts. Bloggers get interesting offers every day, but I think that a new bosom should come up during a consultation. Why not invite the blogger to the clinic, introduce all sorts of offers, and then do the canvassing on the topic of bigger busts or other sorts of beauty surgeries.  Oh yes... The people who offered me a more ample bosom went quite quiet when I said I often wear bras that make my chest more flat as my beauty ideal is more towards women with boyish bodies.



"Aitäh, mul juba on rinnad!" Nii lõppes minu telefonikõne, kui mulle pakuti suhteliselt lühikese aja jooksul juba teist korda võimalust suurendada oma büsti. Kui esimene pakkumine ajas mind pööraselt naerma, siis teine tegi hoopis nõutuks.

Esiteks mõtlesin, kas sellest teemast tasuks üldse kirjutada. Teiseks arutlesin, kuidas tulevad inimesed selle peale, et just mulle rindu pakkuda? Esimene, kes mulle helistas ja "rindu vahendas", oli mu hea tuttav. Küllap tegi ta kõne emotsiooni ajendil. Lõpuks oleme me semud. Kuid teine kõne pani mind õlgu kehitama. Küsisin, miks nad just minu välja valisid? Vastati, et mulle sobiksid suuremad rinnad. Kibekiiresti mainiti, et see on tegelikkuses väga-väga kallis operatsioon ja ma saaksin selle tasuta. Kolmandaks öeldi, et minu lugejaskonnal on kindlasti raha, et endale rinnad osta. Viskasin selle peale nalja, et ma vist siiski ei too end ohvriks ega hakka rindu suurendama... Seejärel rõhutati mulle teist korda, et saaksin väga-väga-väga kalli operatsiooni tasuta. Selgitasin vastu, et maailmas ei ole ühtegi tasuta lõunat. Rindadest rääkimata. 

Hiljem jäid mind mitmed mõtted kummitama: "Ah, et mulle sobiksid suuremad rinnad" Mis mõttes? Kas need müstilised rinnakauplejad scrollisid enne telefonikõne minu Instagramis ning leidsid, et mulle annaks sinna veel midagi lisada?

Teine väide: ma saaksin tõeliselt kallid rinnad tasuta. Tõepoolest!? Tasuta!?? Tegemist on ikkagi operatsiooniga ja kuigi ma ei tea, kui kaua naised rindade operatsioonist toibuvad, siis mis minusse puutub, iga minut siin päikese all on arvel. Operatsioon on ikkagi operatsioon. Paljud naised võivad rääkida räigetest tüsistustest, mis nad on pärast rindade suurendamist saanud ja mis on nad uuele operatsioonile viinud. Rindade suurendamine ei ole jumestuskreemi või huulepulga testimine. 

Leian, et me elame imelisel ajal. Kui vajame enesekindluse tõstmiseks suuremaid huuli, rindu või hoopis tagumikku, siis on meil võimalus kõik unistused täide viia. Mäletan, kuidas mu kolleeg kogus omal ajal raha ja oli tohutult õnnelik, kui sai endale kauni rinnapartii. See on erakordselt tore, et naised saavad vajadusel uhkema büsti, mis kingib neile enesekindlust ja kõike muud, mida nad vajavad. Meil kõigil on üks elu ja miks mitte tuunida end võrratuks? Kui siin on üks aga... 

Armsad vahendajad! Enne, kui te astute oma pakkumisega blogija väga isiklikku ruumi, tehke endale targalt selgeks, kas ta ikka vajab teie teenuseid. Oletagem, et see pakkumine oleks tehtud väga noorele naisele, kellel on enda välimuse suhtes kahtlusi. Me ei tea, millised kahtlused võivad naisi närida. Selline pakkumine vaid suurendaks noore naise ebakindlust, kui talle öeldakse otsesõnu, et me siin vaatasime, et sul võiksid suuremad rinnad olla. Minu jaoks isiklikult tekitas juba kummastust, et mul on C-korv ja aastal 2018 pakutakse mulle veelgi suuremaid rindu! Kas minust soovitakse uut Dolly Partoni teha? Samahästi võiks 185 cm naisele pakkuda platvormkingi - nii näed pikem välja! Mäletan uudist, mis ilmus juba mõnda aega tagasi Victoria Beckhamist, kes lasi oma suurendatud rindu vähendada. Kui guugeldada, leiab neid naisi küllaga.

Jaa... Me elame huvitaval ajal... Kui vastad mobiilis võõrale numbrile, ei tea iial, kas sulle pakutakse ajalehe tellimust, teflonpanni või ... veelgi suuremaid rindu. Pole saladus, et blogijad saavad iga päev põnevaid pakkumisi, kuid leian, et uued rinnad peaks tulema jutuks konsultatsiooni käigus. Miks mitte kutsuda blogija kliinikusse, tutvustada kõikvõimalikke pakkumisi ja seejärel kombata maad, kas teda huvitaks mõni ilulõikus või sootuks suurem büst? Ah jaa... Minule suuremat büsti pakkunud inimesed jäid väga mõtlikuks, kui ütlesin, et kannan sageli rinnahoidjaid, mis teevad mu rinna lamedamaks, sest minu naise iluideaal on pigem poisiliku kehaga tüdruk... 

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